Public Transit Code of Ethics

Okay people, Melissa's getting fed up with inconsiderate office mates, and I'm getting fed up with inconsiderate mass transit riders. There is an unspoken code of ethics when using public transit you know...

For example:

Respecting Personal Space: No matter how crowded the train, you never, I repeat NEVER, jam the crack of your ass against your neighbor's arm so hard that she can tell, without looking, what cut underwear you have on. And when that neighbor tries to extricate herself from your ass, you do NOT push back against her harder! Maybe you have an ass play fetish. I don't know, I don't care. A crowded train is not the place to get your fix, especially not at the expense of the complete stranger who is unfortunate enough to be standing behind you.

Shoe Choice: If you have chosen to wear stiletto heels on the train, either sit down, or stand perfectly still. Do not keep rearranging your feet. You run the risk of stepping on the toes of an innocent bystander. And when, invariably, you do put your 4 inch pencil point heel down on someone's foot so hard that they cry out in pain, the proper response is "Oh, I'm so sorry! Are you alright?" Glaring at them, and rolling your eyes, is unconscionably rude. After all, it was your stupid idea for you to wear stilettos and step on their foot, not theirs.

Escalator Utilization During Rush Hour: There are two lanes of traffic on the escalator during commute hours. The left side is for those of us who choose to run up, and the right side is for those of us who choose to stand still. If you are going to stand still, please stay to the right and let people pass you. Don't just stand in the middle, blocking everyone who actually has somewhere they need to be.

Turnstile Ettiquette: Have your ticket ready before you get to the turnstile. Don't stand there fumbling through your purse while everyone piles up behind you. Most of us have better things to do than stand around waiting for you to get your act together.

Backpacks, Purses, Briefcases, Laptop Cases, Etc.: Watch out! People do not appreciate it when someone swings around and bashed them in the knee with a briefcase. Similarly, we also do not appreciate being knocked in the face with a backpack, or having a stray purse hit us in the stomach. It's your responsibility to make sure that your baggage isn't accidentally transformed into a weapon of mass distruction, not ours.

Cell Phones: The train is always crowded and noisy. Your cell phone also will get horrible reception on the train. The proper way to deal with this is NOT to yell into the mouth piece at the top of your lungs about how your boyfriend is a lying, cheating, piece of shit. Turn off the damned phone, and wait til you're somewhere a tad less public. We really, REALLY don't need to know about the STD he caught from his whore (or possibly from you, 'cuz there was that one time you slept with what's-his-face from that club...OOOOH girl! That brotha was FYNE!), or that you're going to throw his clothes out on the lawn and burn them. Truly, we don't. And really, if you think about it, neither does the person you're screaming at through your cell.

Unnecessary Conversation With Strangers: One sentence -- Don't talk to me. It's either way too early in the morning and I'm on my way to my crappy job, or its late and I'm on my way home from my crappy job. Either way, I'm not in a good mood and don't want to make idle chit chat or hear your life story. The fact that I have earphones on with the volume cranked so loud that anyone within 5 feet of me can hear what I'm listening to is not an invitation to ask me about my iPod. Quite the opposite. It's meant to deter morons like you from asking me stupid questions like "What does an iPod do?" and "Oh, so you need a computer to use an iPod?" I am not an Apple representative, I am not an information kiosk, I am not the latest issue of Consumer Reports Magazine. Leave me alone!!

All that said, go over and check out Melissa's office ettiquette rants, which served as inspiration for this post.