not quite a record mind you, but damned close, especially given how long i was MIA. this not being able to work thing is really getting on my nerves, and is generally pissing me off... turning my relatively good mood into a rather crappy one.
i feel like i'm wasting my time by showing up for work. and i dont like wasting my time.
so i went cruising the blog-verse, checking up on some blogs that i hadn't read in a long time, and came across one that really put me in a sad mood. a guy, spilling his heart out, about his failing marriage, and all the things he's doing to try and save it, but to no avail.
blah. damn me for reading it. now i feel even WORSE. *sigh*
when i get home, i am taking a long LONG bubble bath, and relaxing. i dont think my normal commute home to decompress is gonna work today... no matter how loud i turn up the metal.
plus i'm tired... i really need to get more sleep... but for the past two nights, i've been up late on the phone... because i really didnt wanna hang up... and i dont regret it either. its been a long time since i've had conversations like those... long, drawn out, in depth, who are you really, kind of conversations... laughing, teasing, goofing around, make you feel good about yourself, kind of conversations too... wish you could stay awake for days on end just so you didnt have to stop talking conversations... i'd forgotten how nice that is. hell, i'd forgotten those kinds of conversations even existed... hopefully i get to have another one tonite... tho, i do worry that i'll run out of things to say eventually... and well... that would just suck.
i mean... most of the conversations i've had lately are more like job interviews than anything else... and in a way, they were. people looking for relationships, and not having the time or energy to mess around with small talk, tend to be rather to the point in their conversations. i'm as guilty of it as anyone else. the typical conversation goes a bit like this:
random guy: hi, saw your profile. how are you?
me: okay, you?
random guy: fine. so what are you up to?
me: relaxing, you?
random guy: same. so what are you into?
me: i thought you said you read my profile?
random guy: oh right. so what are you looking for?
me: thats in my profile too.
random guy: oh. well i just saw your pic and wanted to get to know you better.
me: then you should have actually read the profile...
random guy: so you're single?
me: yeah
random guy: me too. wanna meet?
me (after checking profile, and seeing that random guy is way too old for me, and way too far away): uh... no thanks.
...and so on and so on...
so having phone calls like i've been having the past two nights... is just amazing in comparison. its great :) so i push myself to stay awake as long as i can... just to be able to keep talking that way... cuz it feels SO good to have someone be interested in whats inside my head, instead of just whats inside my jeans.
anyway... its finally late enough that i think i can sneak out of here without too much trouble... maybe i'll be able to get some work done tomorrow... niters ppl!
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