Dating Sucks [and not in the good way!]

yes, everyone says this, constantly. well, except for the rare few who actually enjoy not having someone to share their lives with... but they're nuts anyway, so i won't count them.

i am beyond frustrated with dating. its like, i can catagorize every man i meet into one of two "types", and none of them are what i really truly want.

type 1 -- whiny lil bitches. this type is made up of sub catagories, as follows:

A. carbon copies of my ex husband. this is a very scary catagory, because, well, one of him is more than enough for the world. one of him was more than enough for me, period. i dont need ANOTHER of him in my life [not romantically, i mean. guys like him make decent friends though] EVER. not to say that he's a bad guy... he's not. he's just not for me. at all. whatsoever. get me?

B. sex fiends. yes, who am i to judge, i know i know. but here's the thing. i admit fully to loving sex. but that's not all i want from someone. i want a relationship, to spend time just talking. i don't want a 3am booty call, i don't want a fuck friend, i dont want a bed buddy. i want a BOY FRIEND.

C. the "marry me now" type. these guys scare the shit out of me, because... well... they're actively looking for a WIFE. and i really dont plan on being one of those ever again... unless someone can really make it worth my while anyway... and i dont see that happening any time soon. i've got my one kid. i'm happy with him. i don't need more. i don't need a husband. i've had one of those, and one was enough for me (see above, type 1). half the time these guys are dudes from india or pakistan who seem to want greencards. dont get me wrong here. i don't have anything against dudes from india or pakistan. i just have a problem when they want to marry me for a greencard. [see, not a racist thing... an undue demand thing]

D. lolita complexes. what is a lolita complex? have you never read the book?? alright alright, for the record... men with lolita complexes are men who lust after girls young enough to be [or younger than -- EW] their daughters. i run away from these guys as fast as i can. they just make me think pedofile... and thats creepy as shit. yeah. really really creepy and gross too.

now...

type 2 [which i cant seem to find... ANYWHERE] is the sweet, funny, self sufficient, intelligent [yet not a genius], strong spirited, alpha male type...

where are all these men? i'm sorry, but the bay area is just full of whiny lil bitches... and i want a man, not a whiny lil bitch. if i wanted a whiny lil bitch, i'd go be a lesbian Dominatrix, and be done with it.

so... if you are reading this... and happen to be type 2... and are in the least bit interested... check out my personals profile

bleh... again... dating sucks... and really, not in the good way at all.

Concrete Prison

I’m tired of this concrete prison
The metal and glass
That keeps me jailed here
I long for softer things
The green of grass in spring
The smooth caress of a summer breeze
Beds of fallen autumn leaves
The cold sting of winter’s rain
We don’t feel these things
In our high-rise penitentaries
We live vicariously
Through plasma screen TV’s
And computer monitors
Watching others live the lives
We lack the bravery to lead
Doing the things we wish we could
But are too afraid to try
Instead we go from office buildings
To apartment buildings
Barely breathing between glass encasements
As if fresh air would harm us
Living in fear of the world around us...

Do we even wonder why?

SB7/2005

spam and ramen noodles

alright. i know i've been incommunicado for quite some time. and really you all who still stop by here to check up on me deserve more info than i currently have the opportunity to share. i'm back at work... yes... finally. yesterday was my first day back actually... and let me tell you... i have never had so much email in my inbox in my life. 4000 emails were waiting for me when i logged in [yes you read that right -- FOUR THOUSAND], 3000 of which were spam.

spam.

i hate spam. not the canned stuff, [that can be cool sometimes, you know, when you're dirt poor and need something to mix with your ramen noodles...] the "cram your email inbox full of ads inviting you to enlarge the penis you never had, and refinance the mortgage you have on your rat hole of an apt" type.

but yeah, so that left 1000 actual emails for me to deal with... wow. it took me from 8am to 3pm to sort through it all [not that i'm actually complaining, cuz that just means i didnt have to do any real work ;)].

oh, and i'm completely without yahoo at work now, thanks to whatever it is they did to the firewalls while i was gone. i cant even get the web messenger to connect. and forget about launchcast... that wont work either. so i'm relegated to "msn radio" [oh gag me] which plays the same 15 songs over and over all day long [please, even my home made mix cd's have more variety than that!] and has no chat option. dammit. i guess i'm just going to have to accomplish something instead of chatting all day. [unless i decide to just blog all day instead, and mess around on tribe.net -- which, by the way, this is also being simulcast on. yay me, i'm self-syndicated].

anywhich. i cant make heads or tails of what i'm supposed to be doing here at work now. they rearranged my workload, and so i dont even know who's funds i have anymore... dont know which professors i work for, or which grants administrators... and yet, they're all emailing me suddenly, asking for stuff. do i assume that the ones emailing are the ones i work for? or do i assume that due to lack of communication, those are the ones i DONT work for anymore, and ignore their emails? hmmm. food for thought.

yeah so... is it hard to believe that i was actually happy to come back to work? [i actually was... until i GOT here] eh. the people are kinda nice, and i have a better supervisor now [my old one quit, after fukking up my disability paperwork], and a better desk too! [one that people cant sneak up on me and spy on me at, so its easier to get away with goofing off... SWEET]

alright. i've had about enough of this for now. [i'm going back to tribe.net to see what all is happening in the onrunning "yo momma" joke on one of the tribes i subscribe to] i'll fill you all in a little better on the wheres, whys, and whatfors regarding my extended absence [blah, i'm back into work-speak mode already... lovely].