I Have No Words...

Okay.

So we went to Target tonight for some last minute back to school shopping. The kidlet needed all sorts of stuff, several of which seemed to be sold out, but whatever, we got the basics.

Walking back to the car, from a distance, I notice a puddle who's origin appears to be beneath our truck. Oh shit, not again I think, remembering when our coolant system failed and dumped a puddle of green on the asphalt not so long ago.

So we get closer, we examine, trying to stay calm.

The liquid is:
Watery
Yellowish
Coming from somewhere underneath the car
Not just a droplet or two

Totally and utterly confused, because its neither the color nor consistancy of coolant, we decide to try to start the car. It runs fine, no warning lights, no nothing.

Ooooooooo kay.

So we drive to Taco Hell to grab a quick dinner (which I opted out of), thinking it would be a good test to see if theres actually anything wrong with the car.

After parking, I get out, and start to investigate again. There are no leaks. There is no puddle forming. Not even a drop of oil.

Ooooooooo kay.

So I start to stand up, and in the process come eye level with the back wall of our front wheel well.

Which happens to be wet.

And just like that, it clicked. I knew exactly what was wrong with the car, and I started laughing.

When the BF came back from getting take out, I decided to inform him.

"Well," I said, "we have just experienced one of the most disgusting car problems ever."
"What?" he said.

--- Dramatic Pause ---

"Someone peed in our wheel well."

Yup yup. That watery clear yellowish liquid dripping from the car was none other than the urination of the person who pulled out of the spot next to us just as I was looking under the car the first time.

I hate where I live. I really, really do.

My Bathroom Rant

Okay, so now both Tangerine Tease and another friend of mine (who I can't link due to the fact that she's finally managed to hide her blog from an online stalker) have both brought up little rants about the restrooms in their offices.

As such, I feel obligated to add mine as well.

There is someone on my floor -- I don't know who, as I haven't yet caught them -- who insists on not flushing the toilet after themselves. There is also someone in my building who insists on clogging the toilet with seat liners and an entire roll's worth of toilet paper. Every day. Every. Fucking. Day.

What in the hell is wrong with you, disgusting toilet sabotaging person? Didn't your mother or father or juvinile detention guard teach you to flush? Didn't they teach you that if you jam the toilet full of an entire roll's worth of paper, it doesn't work anymore?

I mean really. This is a freaking research group at a prestigious university. You people are obviously educated enough to either attend classes here, or work here. You can't possibly be brain dead.

So flush the goddamned toilet already!

Please Dispose of Your Cheese Elsewhere!

To my office mates:

Whoever decided that the communal office garbage can was a good place to dispose of your really horrible rotting cheese "thing," made a BIG mistake.

Now, instead of the staff lounge (which I don't have to visit if I don't choose to) smelling like this miserable rotten mess, everyone in our office has to partake of this wretched stink for the entire rest of the day. Not only are we forced to partake while we are at our desks, but the odor is rather disturbingly melding itself with my hair and clothing, so even when I leave the office, I'm still tortured by this awful smell. And when I go home, it will saturate the interior of my car, inflict itself upon my family, until finally it insinuates itself into every article of clothing in my laundry bin. I have my doubts about how effective any amount of laundry detergent will be against this odiforous scourge... It may well follow me to my grave. So please...

Please dispose of your cheese elsewhere!

ASPCA SVU?!

So Mother's Day my sister and I were discussing one of the TV shows that we normally watch (Animal Presinct), and trying to describe it to our mother.

To those that have never seen it, its a show shot documentary style -- kind of like cops -- in which NYC police officers are also functioning as ASPCA investigators, rescuing abused and neglected animals, and arresting the miserable excuses for human beings that abused and neglected those animals.

So, after giving my mother that explanation of the show, she says "oh, so like an 'ASPCA SVU?'"

My sister and I looked at eachother, and then both simultaneously said "NO!"

Apparently, my mother only ever watched Law & Order SVU long enough to figure out that SVU meant "special victims unit" and didn't bother paying attention to the fact that the SVU was in charge of handling sexual assault cases...

I can see it now... A whole show on Animal Planet dedicated to NY street cops asking people "Did you have intimate relations with this horse? No? Well we've gotten reports. We're going to have to take the horse in for vetrinary examination." (this is most ridiculous if you put a really REALLY heavy NY accent on it. You know, Stallone style -- YO! Adrian!.)

Needless to say, we corrected Mom on her misunderstanding... Then Sis, the BF, and I all laughed our asses off for a couple minutes making up lines from the "ASPCA SVU" show (like the above).

"Excuse me sir, sorry to bother you today, but we've had reports of someone molesting a cat on these premises. Can we come in and take a look around please?"

To camera: "Well, we found the cat with various molestation paraphenalia nearby. We're going to be seizing the cat, and bringing the owner in for questioning. From the evidence we found, this seems to be just one location in a large animal porn ring, and hopefully we'll be able -- with the cooperation of this suspect -- to track down the rest of them"

Ugh. Thanks Mom -- This is SOOOO what I need to be thinking about. *roll eyes*