Thats how I'm feeling today.
There's something I want, something I need, that I can't seem to convince myself to wait for. I want it today. Eventhough I know I cant have it today. Eventhough I know its not fair of me to even ask for it today.
I want some affection, some comfort, to be held, and hugged, and kissed, and shown I'm cared about.
I haven't seen my BF in a few days, and I miss him, and I desperately want him to come spend some time with me, now, while I can, before I have my son for the weekend and can't be anything other than a mom...
I don't want to wait 'til Sunday night, but the BF is busy working. He's behind schedule, and coming up on a deadline, and says he doesn't have time to come over, and won't have time until Sunday.
And as much as I understand and respect that, as much as I know how important it is for him to get that project done, as much as I know that he's not just ignoring me... I still want what I want. I'm still unhappy that I can't have it.
And I feel like a selfish bitch for feeling that way. A lonely, pathetic, irrational, whiny, needy, selfish, bitch.
Nope, sweetie, not needy or selfish or pathetic or whiny or any of those other things. Just human and needing the arms of someone you love around you. I can relate to that so very much.
ReplyDeleteThe sucky thing is that I find myself resenting the fact that he has to work so much, that he doesn't work normal hours like the rest of the world, so when I have time, he doesn't...
ReplyDeleteI find myself getting jealous (and I'm not used to feeling jealous) of the people that do get his time. I find myself getting mad that he has time for impromtu dinner meetings, but doesn't have time for me... Unless it's work related. If I need to see him for something about work, he'll drop everything... But if all I need is a hug... *sigh* that's not important enough, and I end up feeling hurt, and angry, and depressed...
And I don't like myself for feeling like that. It's not the me I'm used to.