I'm having a hard time articulating today, so bear with me here -- it may take some rambling before I can actually get to the point. Though, that might happen more quickly if I actually knew what the point was... *sigh* This is like the fifth or sixth time I've started this damned post, and I'm still not sure I know what I'm trying to say.
I'm overtired. Went to bed late last night, and had weird dreams that kept waking me up every half hour or so. I kept dreaming that a monster from this game I play (World of Warcraft) was chasing me down the halls at work, waving a past due notice at me, with little text bubbles popping up above his head saying things like "I'll freeze your assets" and "pay before I send my bear after you" (the monster had a bear as a sidekick... dont ask). And the whole while I was trying to escape this... thing... people kept stepping out of doorways along the hall, and grabbing me, asking me to do things for them... and I kept saying yes to whatever they asked for, just to get them to let me go...
It all seems remarkably ridiculous now that I'm awake and writing it down for you all to read... But at the time it was frightening. I know exactly what the dream was about though, even if it doesn't make any sense to you all.
I'm overwhelmed. Dealing with everyone else's problems for so long, with so little gotten in return, has made it so that I don't want to help anyone anymore. I've gone out of my way for other people to the point that I've been neglecting myself. And that's never a good thing.
That monster... That monster is all of my wants and needs that I've been ignoring, and the past due notice is how much I owe myself. The strange threats? Well, those are me, telling myself that I've got to give to myself, NOW, or bad things will happen.
The dream is right. I need to slow down, stop taking so much on, and take care of me for a while. It'd be great if I had a little help taking care of me... You know... Some TLC from you know who... But at the very least, I need to get some R&R, and be good to myself a bit.
I agree three hundred and ninety percent (at least), Tess, that you need YOU time and you need it NOW. I know there are all these pressures around you but if you run yourself into the ground you are going to end up in a bad way in every respect and that will be far worse than taking a couple of days now. I know you know this too so please don't think I'm preaching or anything, we are all guilty of ignoring our own needs. BF needs a gentle reminder that he is BF and not just boss - send him something naughty in the post - a 'gift voucher' for something a little risque (you know where I'm going here) with an expiry date. Crap suggestion, sorry, I wish he could see beyond his work pressures too because I suspect that his reserves are also running low. All I can offer is a trans-atlantic hug and a promise to give someone a gentle reminder to go to the Post Office soon.....I think at least one of the items in there will be just what you need right now...
ReplyDeleteMiss you, Tess. Hope you're doing alright.
ReplyDeleteJust an old friend passing through. Hoping to see you're still around. Glad that you are. You'll know who I am...
ReplyDeleteK