Quirk #11

I hate door to door salesman types.

I know they don't do that much anymore, but Comcast Cable has this really horrible practice of knocking on every door of an apartment complex that they have even one customer in, trying to recruit the rest of us.

My normal response to this activity while I'm at home is to politely tell them to fuck off, as I have satellite which is about 100 times better, and 100 times cheaper as well. In fact, the last guy who banged on my door (and I do mean BANGED) didn't even get me to open the door.

BANG BANG BANG

Me: Who is it?
Him: Comcast Cable.
Me: Go to hell. I have satellite. If you knock on my door again, I'm calling the cops.

Seriously. I said that. I'm assuming he ran away, as there was no further conversation... Of course, I doubt I would have noticed, as I walked away from the door after that. =D

So, I thought I had escaped the hordes of Comcast salesmen and women with not so idle threats. I was, regrettably, dead wrong.

This afternoon, I took the elevator down to the street level to have a bit of a break (read: to smoke, and read whilst smoking). So I find myself a spot to sit and relax, but notice theres a group of people standing around with clip boards, khaki pants, and polo shirts with a logo on them. Well fine, its a college campus, they're probably just recruiting for something, and they won't bother me since I'm smoking, and everyone hates people who smoke, right? *sigh* Wrong. Apparently Comcast salesmen are not deterred by the prospect of second hand smoke.

Chick (obviously looking to make a sale on something): Hi there! Nice day huh?
Me (obviously looking totally uninterested): Yeah, sure.
Chick (pulling out a flyer): Want some ice cream?
Me (looking totally and utterly confused, with "strangers with candy" alarm bots going off in my head): No thank you.
Chick (damned cheery): You sure? I just had a fudgecicle. It was great!
Me (trying not to laugh, but choking on it anyway): Really, no. I don't eat the stuff.
Chick (either getting back into a sales pitch, or hitting on me): So um, you go to school here?
Me (looking at her like shes a complete and total nut case): No. I work here.
Chick (looking crestfallen): Oh.

So she leaves me alone, and I go back to reading. No sooner had the 120th second of her silence ticked by, then a guy in the same stupid uniform walks up to me and says:

Want some ice cream?

I didn't even look up from my book, and said (a bit nastily): No.

The chick then pipes up and says: Oh, I just tried that.
Guy: Oh.
Chick: I think I'll sit here with her (meaning ME)
Guy: Okay. Oh look, students!

My entire break was spent being occasionally spoken to by this chick who obviously wanted to sell me something, but couldn't pluck up the courage to actually go into her spiel about it. Constantly things like "good book?" and "man I'm tired" and any other stupid random chatter she could think of.

I finally got sick of it and fled inside, cursing Comcast and their dreadful marketing tactics for ruining my break =(

For the record, Comcast is evil. Do not succumb to their offers of ice cream. The fine print on those free ice cream flyers says that by accepting said ice cream, you are signing over the rights to the rest of your unborn children, and putting Comcast into your will as the sole heir to your estate and the sole beneficiary of any and all life insurance plans you have, or might have in the future.