over the past week, i have been told several times, by several different people, that i have the voice of a phone sex operator... perhaps i should think about changing careers? i'm pretty sure i'd like that job quite a bit more than my present one. *wink wink* come on? who wouldn't love a job that paid them to have phone sex? lol.
okay, so i'd probably end up getting really really bored, and start like, knitting or something while i was on the phone... I can see it now: "oh yeah baby, just like that" knit one, purl two, "yes... harder... " slip stitch, knit one, carry over "mmmmmmmmmmm that feels sooo good" knit one, purl two... LMAO. yeah, maybe i should just stick to pushing paper all day, and leaving the phone sex part for my off time *wink wink*
oh, can we tell that i'm in a better mood today? even if eternal did nearly make me cry with the comment to my last post :P (babe, you can be such a complete angel sometimes... it blows me away) but yeah... i have a horrible cold, so i'm high off the overdose of decongestants i took this morning, mixed with caffiene (which i don't normally have much of), and a healthy dose of chocolate cake this afternoon (yet one more person is leaving my department... gotta love farewell parties). i have to wonder if this is how cocaine addicts feel... i mean, i'm jittery, the room spins if i move too fast (i.e. faster than a crawl), i'm seeing things that arent there, and i'm talking about 300 miles a minute... oh yeah, did i mention that the room spins? lol. the plus side is that pseudoephedrine+caffiene+chocolate makes for an extremely happy me! an incoherrent me, but a happy me nonetheless. so pardon if this post rambles and goes off on tangents. blame it on the drugs :P
so where was i? ummm oh yeah, working in the sex industry! thought i'd just drop my two cents while i've brought the topic up, about how i think that prostitution should be legal, and taxed, and regulated to death, cuz people are gonna buy sex no matter what, and why shouldnt the govt get a piece of that action? i mean, think of all that revenue! we'd never have a budget crisis again! lol.
anyway... i've wasted enough "company" time and resources for a bit... talk at y'all later!
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
let me feel good for just a few minutes...
today is just one of those days, i suppose... they happen... with a fair bit of regularity, since i refuse to be medicated.
I suffer from several lovely disorders... manic depression, general anxiety disorder, obsessive complusive disorder (albeit mildly), attention deficit disorder, as well as an insulin resistance disorder that has yet to be officially named for itself, but the subsequent symptoms have polished little medical terms...
and today, is just one of those days when i seriously wonder if maybe i should go back on meds. i've been off them for 7 years... i dont really want to go back. i dont like the person they turn me into. i dont like that i cant write when i'm on them. i dont like that they make me not care about things. i like caring about things. i'm a better person for caring, i think, even if sometimes i do care too much and get depressed or freak out cuz of it.
i muddle through... but its a lot harder now that i'm pretty much alone. theres no one around to lean on, no one around to talk to or vent to, no one to make me smile, make me laugh when all i want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. and that just serves to make things worse because i hate being alone. theres something about it that just scares me, deeply, like it'll go on forever and ever, and i'll be left to live with just my own messed up self for the rest of eternity... which would suck because i do a horrible job at keeping myself company, and theres only just so many conversations i can have with myself before i start looking like a complete loon... haha.
so right now, what i'm craving is someone to be with... someone to hold, and be held by... someone to distract me from myself for just a little while... to make me feel good for just a few minutes...
let me feel good for just a few minutes... just a few... and i can go back to dealing with all this bullshit... i promise...
I suffer from several lovely disorders... manic depression, general anxiety disorder, obsessive complusive disorder (albeit mildly), attention deficit disorder, as well as an insulin resistance disorder that has yet to be officially named for itself, but the subsequent symptoms have polished little medical terms...
and today, is just one of those days when i seriously wonder if maybe i should go back on meds. i've been off them for 7 years... i dont really want to go back. i dont like the person they turn me into. i dont like that i cant write when i'm on them. i dont like that they make me not care about things. i like caring about things. i'm a better person for caring, i think, even if sometimes i do care too much and get depressed or freak out cuz of it.
i muddle through... but its a lot harder now that i'm pretty much alone. theres no one around to lean on, no one around to talk to or vent to, no one to make me smile, make me laugh when all i want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. and that just serves to make things worse because i hate being alone. theres something about it that just scares me, deeply, like it'll go on forever and ever, and i'll be left to live with just my own messed up self for the rest of eternity... which would suck because i do a horrible job at keeping myself company, and theres only just so many conversations i can have with myself before i start looking like a complete loon... haha.
so right now, what i'm craving is someone to be with... someone to hold, and be held by... someone to distract me from myself for just a little while... to make me feel good for just a few minutes...
let me feel good for just a few minutes... just a few... and i can go back to dealing with all this bullshit... i promise...
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
management sanctioned activities which preclude the actual accomplishment of anything work related
okay... anyone ever notice that "informational staff meetings" leave you with more questions than answers?
I just came from one, which lasted an HOUR AND A HALF. supposedly, we were supposed to learn about the reorganization of our department... however, all we got was a bunch of double talk, obvious lies, and patronization. every question that was answered led to 4 or 5 more questions to which the responses were "we dont know yet" or "i wish i could answer that for you" or "we're not at that stage in planning yet" which, of course, is total bullshit.
i know its total bullshit cuz i talk to my dad, and my dad happens to be on the steering committee for this entire stupid thing, and hes TOLD me whats really going on.
so now i'm all sorts of pissed off because i'm being lied to, and so are all my co-workers, and frankly, we deserve better (even if we do slack off for 5 or 10 minutes here and there). we handle workloads 3 times the size of people in comparable positions campus wide, for lower pay. we stay when everyone else up and quits. we are the backbone of the entire organization, and they wont even bother to tell us the truth about whether or not we'll have jobs in 6 months.
i wish that i could tell everyone what i know, prepare them for the fact that most of them are going to have to reapply for their jobs... but i'm not allowed to. under penalty of being disowned by my father. and being forced to reapply for my job too (which, thankfully, i know i dont have to do).
so anyway, i'm off to english class to try and forget about this hellish afternoon... yeah um... and i didnt do the homework i was supposed to turn in today... well... oops.
*** as a disclaimer for the previous post "bacardi shots with a koolaid chaser" -- I am NOT an alcoholic. in fact, i rarely, if ever, drink anything containing alcohol. i dont even have vanilla extract in my house (though, i'd buy it if i actually needed it to bake something). but yeah. to reitterate, i am NOT a wino, or a drunk, or anything else that would be remotely addicted to alcohol. getting halfway buzzed once a month soooo doesnt qualify me for that. ***
I just came from one, which lasted an HOUR AND A HALF. supposedly, we were supposed to learn about the reorganization of our department... however, all we got was a bunch of double talk, obvious lies, and patronization. every question that was answered led to 4 or 5 more questions to which the responses were "we dont know yet" or "i wish i could answer that for you" or "we're not at that stage in planning yet" which, of course, is total bullshit.
i know its total bullshit cuz i talk to my dad, and my dad happens to be on the steering committee for this entire stupid thing, and hes TOLD me whats really going on.
so now i'm all sorts of pissed off because i'm being lied to, and so are all my co-workers, and frankly, we deserve better (even if we do slack off for 5 or 10 minutes here and there). we handle workloads 3 times the size of people in comparable positions campus wide, for lower pay. we stay when everyone else up and quits. we are the backbone of the entire organization, and they wont even bother to tell us the truth about whether or not we'll have jobs in 6 months.
i wish that i could tell everyone what i know, prepare them for the fact that most of them are going to have to reapply for their jobs... but i'm not allowed to. under penalty of being disowned by my father. and being forced to reapply for my job too (which, thankfully, i know i dont have to do).
so anyway, i'm off to english class to try and forget about this hellish afternoon... yeah um... and i didnt do the homework i was supposed to turn in today... well... oops.
*** as a disclaimer for the previous post "bacardi shots with a koolaid chaser" -- I am NOT an alcoholic. in fact, i rarely, if ever, drink anything containing alcohol. i dont even have vanilla extract in my house (though, i'd buy it if i actually needed it to bake something). but yeah. to reitterate, i am NOT a wino, or a drunk, or anything else that would be remotely addicted to alcohol. getting halfway buzzed once a month soooo doesnt qualify me for that. ***
bacardi shots with a koolaid chaser
an odd choice of beverage, yes. but then, thats indicative of my overall personality. odd. most people dont seem to have a problem with odd, which is a good thing i guess... but anyway.
a little bit about me... i'm 25, going through a divorce, living alone for the first time in my life, going back to college full time while working full time, and being a part time mom (every other weekend, and half the holidays in a calendar year).
I have time to blog how? well easy, i'm shirking work to do this. everyone needs an outlet right? well... just like i drink bacardi shots with a koolaid chaser out of desperation and frustration, so do i write. and write i shall, on company time, using company equipment and resources (computer and T1 connection).
maybe perhaps eventually there might be something on this blog besides my mindless ramblings, my brain spillage if you will. but for now? just me ranting.
enjoy the rollercoaster ride *wink wink*
a little bit about me... i'm 25, going through a divorce, living alone for the first time in my life, going back to college full time while working full time, and being a part time mom (every other weekend, and half the holidays in a calendar year).
I have time to blog how? well easy, i'm shirking work to do this. everyone needs an outlet right? well... just like i drink bacardi shots with a koolaid chaser out of desperation and frustration, so do i write. and write i shall, on company time, using company equipment and resources (computer and T1 connection).
maybe perhaps eventually there might be something on this blog besides my mindless ramblings, my brain spillage if you will. but for now? just me ranting.
enjoy the rollercoaster ride *wink wink*
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