So, yesterday I was in a messed up mood, and for some reason or another I went back in time on this blog, and looked through a few of my very first posts. It got me to thinking.
Throughout my life, I've had a myriad of people (beloved and non) tell me that they'd "always be there" for me. Now, here I am, years (and even decades) after knowing them, and they're ... Not here. Now, don't get me wrong. This doesn't really bother me. Most of them were more trouble than they were worth, and caused me endless amounts of heart ache. There are those select few that I wonder about from time to time; where they are, what they're up to, if they're happy. But really, the rest I don't miss. What I do miss, is having people like that to talk to.
My circle of close (and I mean call in the middle of the night to talk kind of close) friends lately consists of my 2 boyfriends (who I can't really talk to about each other, or themselves, now can I?), my sister (who's going through issues of her own, and I don't want to bother her), a friend who lives half the country away, and, believe it or not, my ex husband.
Meh. I've gone off on a tangent. Anyway, it kind of makes me wonder about when people say "always." Do they really mean always? Because, I do. Everyone I've ever said I'd always feel a certain way about, I still do. I do. I still love every single person I've ever said I always would. And I have tried to "be there" for everyone I've always said I would always be there for. The only reason I'm not is because they removed themselves from my life. So...
Did they really mean "always," or did they mean "as long as I'm around for"?
Just something to ponder on...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO You're blogging again!!
ReplyDeleteThose words are something I try not to say because the reality is our lives may diverge in a big way and it's not something we can really do anything about. If you're 'there', you're 'there' and you don't have to say it. Y'know? LOL
I will be here, not there, for you always. ;oD
o.O
ReplyDeleteI decided to make one of these...now i can comment on yours!
*wave*
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