Mother's Day.
This year, us girls celebrated Mother's Day for our mom on Saturday, not Sunday. My sister and I planned the whole thing out on the phone before hand, never having to really talk to Mom to find out what she wanted. She wanted what she's always wanted -- just some family time with her kids, to kick back and relax and be able to enjoy the day.
So my sister and I cooked for her. Mom picked up some of the groceries involved, because as much as she likes just relaxing, she feels like she has to help with everything somehow... But I stopped and picked up all the special stuff, so she didn't really know what she was in store for.
Sis helped me put together a fun anti-pasto dish -- tomato basil mozzarella salad, bell pepper salad, salami, olives... And then we made home made, completely from scratch, manicotti. It was fun, and I got to give a little bit of a cooking lesson, teaching my sister how to make the pasta shells (we use an old family recipe which involves making pasta "crepes", then rolling the filling up in them), and even showing the BF how to do it too. Mom kept trying to help, but we kept kicking her out of the kitchen, telling her to go play with the kiddo. I was on my feet cooking basically all day, but I was having a ball. My kitchen at home is tiny, and always dirty (yes, I'm lazy), so being able to cook in a big roomy clean kitchen was kind of a present for me in and of itself. Mom couldn't quite fit her head around that idea, so she looked at me like I was insane every time I told her... And I had to keep telling her, because she kept trying to get me to give her something to do, and kept asking if I was sure, cuz it's mother's day, and she thought I was working too hard. Heh. Cooking, to me, is not work. It is pure fun. Always =)
And after dinner, we all just sat around talking until we got to tired and HAD to go home.
The next day, Sunday, Mother's Day proper, was supposed to be about me... The kiddo, sweetheart that he is, and spurred by his teacher, made me a card, and gave me "coupons" for various things, one of which was doing laundry (woot! I may take him up on that one!).
From the BF tho... I got an e-card. There were no gifts. No special things done for me. It was just another day really. And that made me sad. It made me mad even, because the BF said that I'm hard to do/get things for because he can never tell if its a good time for me or not, so "what would you like to do today?"... He made it seem like in order for me to get anything -- special treatment included -- I had to flat out ask for it. Which kind of defeats the purpose of having a day dedicated to me... I mean, what kind of "gift" do you have to ask for? If you have to ask for it, its not really a gift anymore, in my opinion. And all that "what would you like to do today" said to me was "I don't care enough to put any effort into figuring out what would be nice to do for you, so you do all the work, and figure it out for me instead."
Besides, I'm super easy to make happy. You don't have to do fancy things like take me out to an expensive restaurant. You don't have to organize complex outings. You don't have to get me expensive presents or take me shopping. It's really simple. Think about the things in life that make me stressed out, and take care of one of them for me. Something as simple as cleaning the kitchen (so I can cook, like I love to), or cleaning the bathroom so I can take bubble baths without feeling like a pile of dirty clothes is going to fall into the tub, or doing some laundry so that I don't have to... Any one of those things would be great, and I'm sure, given that genre of "gifts" to choose from it wouldn't be hard to find some more. But I didn't get those things. All I got was an E-card, and an excuse.
Even my 8 year old did better than that... The BF should be ashamed.
I wasn't happy. I was beyond not happy. I was miserably and horribly MAD. So miserable that my body decided it wasn't having anything to do with me being mad, and tried to make me fall asleep instead. So mad that several times during the day I felt like picking something up and hurling it at the wall as hard as I could. But I didn't do that. Instead, I bottled it (as I usually do), then beat myself up over being mad, so I ended up feeling not just mad, but guilty and depressed at the same time.
And what's worse? I can't get over it. I'm not usually one to blame my emotions on someone else -- I always seem to find a way to explain how I did it to myself -- but the BF made me feel like complete and total shit. And I still feel like shit, because I'm here at work, and people are talking about what their families did for them for mother's day, and I get to say "I got an e-card." Needless to say, I've been avoiding the subject all together. So now people are under the impression that I'm even more anti-social than I really am... When in truth, I'm just upset that I don't have anything equally touching to share.
I wish I had an easier time talking about the things that upset me... Then maybe I'd have the guts to tell the BF just how pissed off and hurt I am, and I could get past it more quickly.
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