thanksgiving, and the ensuing events.

thanksgiving for me this year was hell. not that i didnt enjoy going to my mom's and hanging out with my sister (who i never get to see) and doing a puzzle all day... but this was the first year i have spent thanksgiving away from my son.

growing up, i alternated holidays at my mom's and dad's. i never thought much of it. i never bothered to think how they might feel about the situation. now i know. its hell. sheer living hell. holidays are all about spending time with family... and i wasn't allowed to have the most important part of my family with me, not even for one minute of the day, not even for a phone call. i had thought i would be alright. i thought it wouldnt matter so much. i've never much been one for holidays anyway... but i wasn't alright, and it did matter ever so much, and suddenly what used to be a convenient excuse to hang with my sister, and play with the cats, turned into... something dreadfully depressing.

after my mom dropped me back home thursday night, i fell into that pit... and stayed there until i got myself drunk on friday night, forcing myself into the manic high that cures all ills. of course, being chemically induced, it didnt last longer than that night... and the depression was of course even worse when i woke up the next day. thus saturday's morbid post. i'll admit... i was walking the edge. and there is a fine line between depression and suicidal tendencies... and on saturday that line was a very very fine line indeed. but saturday came to an end, and sunday my friend forced me to get dressed and dragged me outta my apt to go do my field research that i didnt really wanna do at all... but it was good. getting dressed helped. getting out of the house helped. the european lunch we had (wine included) helped. and by the time i got home, i was in a pretty decent mood. a mood so decent that i actually accepted an invite out for dinner. cool beans for me huh? not a bad night at all.

today though.... today was... is... wow. i'm flying. wanna guess why? wanna guess who i finally heard from? yes! you're right! turns out that all this time, my army boy was on a BOAT. he wasnt home at all! well heck. all that worrying for nothing. sheesh. but yeah so he emailed me this morning, then called me twice, and hes gonna call me tonite after i get home... i'm so amazingly happy right at this moment that it actually hurts. i have never been so happy that i've cried in public... until today... wow talk about embarassing... sitting at my desk in tears for reasons unknown to anyone else... thank god people ignored it!

so yeah, all is right with the world again. and i have a feeling its gonna stay that way for a while this time :)