what do i want

i'm out of sorts today [more so than usual, yes, thank you for pointing out that i'm always out of sorts]. the last little bits of yesterday's migraine is still hanging around causing me a slight loss of equilibrium... but thats not it really. i'm getting rather used to that.

i think its more that ive been noticing a theme in the conversations i have, and the blogs and websites i read regularly [no, they're not all listed over there on the sidebar. there are some that i read that i will not be advertising to you folks]. it all seems to revolve around what i want. or rather, in the case of the blogs, what THEY want, which makes me think about what i want. relationship wise that is, not what i want for lunch [which i already had, btw. korean bbq spicy chicken over rice, with kim che, salad, and a tempura potato slice. ummmmmmmm my fave].

well what i want... i dont know. no thats wrong. i do know. i just dont know if its actually obtainable. i thought i had it for a moment there, but as things are turning out, it seems i was dreadfully mistaken [that is still subject to debate... the whole not knowing thing... no communication thing... its easier to just assume the worst and be done with it though so thats rather what i'im doing]. so what do i want? oh its simple enough. so simple that i have no idea why its so hard to get ahold of.

i want someone...

...to come home to
...to wake me up when i fall asleep doing course work on the living room floor, and help me to bed.
...to hug and hold me when i've had a hard day, week, month, or year.
...who loves me because of my flaws, not in spite of them.
...to be strong for me when i just cant be anymore.
...to take care of me when i need to be taken care of, even if i wont admit it.
...who appreciates me for whats inside my head, as well as whats inside my clothes.
...that i can trust, with anything and everything.
...that i can respect and admire.
...who makes it their mission in life to make me smile.
...who makes me feel loved.
...who makes me feel safe.
...who wont betray me.
...who wont abandon me.

is all that really too much to ask for? really?