going on "vacation"

alright people. this is likely to be my last post until after xmas, if not new years.

i'd like to say i'm leaving for my NY trip in a good mood with a positive outlook, but that would be a blatant lie. i am miserable. i am dreading this trip.

then theres the fact that i haven't heard from my boy in 2 days, and he'd promised to call me but didnt, and isnt returning my calls or answering his phone. i keep hoping that he just lost it again. but i have a deep seated fear that that isnt the case, and i cant seem to shake it.

i realize that its the holiday season, and that i'm ultra stressed out, and that i'm probably carrying that stress over into my relationship. but i cant help it. deep down i'm really insecure. i dont feel like i'm worthy of his attentions. i dont feel like i'm worthy of his time. and i keep thinking he's realized it. especially given a conversation we had the last time we talked that i wont go into here. i'm scared. beyond scared. terrified. but theres nothing i can do about that except keep trying to get ahold of him.

i'll try to post something to let you all know if anything happens with that over xmas... i may have limited internet access, or i may not. in any case, i'll be writing posts and saving them until i can post them. keep an eye out, theres likely to be some pretty hilarious stories.