so i lied

yes... brutally honest me lied. i said i wouldnt post this weekend. but my boy is in the shower and i've got 15 minutes to kill... and i'm so insanely happy that i just had to tell you all about it.

i have never ever EVER been happier. not in this life, and not in any past life either [if you believe in them -- i do].

he showed up thursday and the moment he was here all my stupid irrational fears went *poof* and all i could do was hug him... and have him hug me back... for a while anyway... oh my god. i was meant for this man. i was made for him. every last piece of me was made to fit only him, to hold only him, to be with only him, to love only him.

he does things to me that no one else has ever been able to do [no dammit, i am NOT going to go into detail here], makes me feel things that no one else has ever been able to make me feel... i feel safe, and truly happy, and totally and completely loved and accepted, and i feel beautiful. [for the record, i have never felt those things ever]. it feels so right just being in his arms... my head fits just under his chin, like its supposed to. and i would be happy forever if all he did was hold me. but thats not all he does. he opens doors, and takes me out, and does everything in his power to make me happy, eventhough just being with him makes me happy and i dont need anything more than that.

yesterday he drove me to work... then took me to my office xmas party... which we left early because well, it was boring, and all i could focus on was him anyway... so we drove up the coast to jenner and had dinner in this awesome little restaurant/bed and breakfast place... so romantic... watching the sunset from the window, looking out over the beach with the waves crashing soooo hard... and he loved it. finally, a man who LIKES that kind of thing. i dont know if you have any idea how surprising that is for me... but to find a guy who has a love of the natural world like that... just like i do... i wanted to cry i was so happy. and i still am that happy, and i'm trying desperately not to cry right now from being so fucking happy. so happy it HURTS. so happy i dont know how my heart can hold it all. so in love i feel like i'm going to burst...

i cant stop smiling, i cant stop laughing, i cant stop feeling WONDERFUL.

and the best thing... hes not perfect. i know hes not perfect. but hes perfect for me. and i love him with every ounce of me. and the feeling is mutual.

[a more detailed account of the weekend will follow once i have more time. i promise]