i absolutely cannot concentrate on work right now. i just cant. i dont want to either. i want to be home, i want it to be after 9, and i want to be on the phone with my army boy. well really i want him to be right there with me, but that'll be soon enough :) just 7 more days.
*jumps up and down excitedly* did you READ that? only 7 more days! *shrieks with joy* i cant wait. i cant. i need him to be here already. i need to see that smile, to hear that laugh, to have that hug i've been dreaming about for 6 months... i need it with every ounce of me. i keep reminding myself that i've waited this long, i can wait one more week... but god its torture. especially while talking to him on the phone... laying there in an empty bed, talking to him, when he should be right there so i can lay my head on his chest and have him run his fingers through my hair while he makes me giggle and laugh by being the wonderful adorable goofball that he is.
i'm lost in my day dreams. day dreams of hugs and kisses, day dreams of falling asleep together, day dreams of just snuggling up on the couch to watch a movie... well and theres day dreams of other stuff too... *blush* those day dreams are... well...lets just say they make it really hard to work.
i've had night time dreams too... so good that i dont want to wake up in the morning... so sweet and peaceful that i find myself fighting to hold onto them even as my alarm is beeping at me heinously. i havent slept like this ever. i've never slept so beautifully, so amazingly, so deep.
i dont think he has half a clue what he does to me, or half a clue how amazing i think he is... i mean, just last night he was telling me how he wanted to go to italy so he could see the museums, and the fountains, and the architecture... i was awed. this is the same guy who loves football, who cant spell to save his life, who loves all that outdoor adventure stuff -- very much a GUY. and i love that he's that way. but he likes the stuff i like too... and that just floors me. and everytime we talk he tells me something else that just puts me in a state of complete and total awe...
and i know this is gonna sound odd, but i'm odd, so no problem if y'all dont understand... just listening to his voice... just hearing him talk... makes me feel safe. i've never felt safe before. and he puts me at ease... mellows me out... all my little frustrations arent quite so frustrating while i'm talking to him, or for hours afterwards either :)
he makes me a better person.
:P
ReplyDeleteYou're happy, and that's good. Beware, Tess, that as happy as you are now you might soon get tired of him. After all, there's only so much you can discover until you start getting really annoyed at quite a bit of stuff that you already know about him, then where will you be? I'll tell you. Here in this journal posting things like "What did I see in him? Why did I let him affect me that much? How is it that I was able to give of myself to him that much without getting to know him in person first? I need to stop putting so much trust in people I have never met." I wish it weren't that way, but I've seen this kind of thing happen time and again. Good luck, Tess.
ReplyDeletewow. way to be jaded. and i thought I was the cynic and the pessimist.
ReplyDeletei'd much rather "give that much" of myself to someone that i've been talking to for 6 months than "give that much" of myself to someone i met in a bar one night, and went home with the same night. i'd much rather "give that much" of myself to someone who actually talks to me like i matter, than "give that much" of myself to someone who talks to me like i'm nothing. i'd much rather "give that much" of myself to someone who at least for the moment is making me happier than i've ever been before, than "give that much" of myself to someone who makes me miserable and sad.
so you know what? take your warnings and cautions and give them to someone who needs them. i know full well what kind of risk i'm taking. and its worth it. but i wouldnt expect you to know that "anonymous" because you dont know me, you dont know what kind of experiences i've had, you dont know where i've been or who i've been with or why (not even if you read my post about my failed marriage). you also dont know anything about my boy. dont purport to be able to predict the future for people that you dont know, have never met, have never even talked to.
oh yeah, and be brave -- get an ID.
Good for you! Oh and by the way, get rid of those Anonymous postings, if they can't say something "to your face" as it was, then why should they bother posting.
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