my dysfunctional family

okay, so my sister reads my blog, so none of this will be news to her... but replying to her comment reminded me that not a whole lot of anyone else really knows whats up with the whole family situation for me, other than my own divorce thing.

here's the run down:

my parents marriage was doomed from the beginning, in my opinion... my dad comes from a huge italian family, and my mom comes from a rather microscopic german/irish family. That should give you a clue right there.

my dad is the oldest of four children, my mother is an only child (another red flag).

both my parents are, to put it mildly, control freaks; something they have been kind enough to pass along genetically to both myself and my lil sis. we however, have the common decency to admit it, whereas my parents still insist that there is nothing abnormal about them (the third warning sign that this was a hugely bad idea).

so... i think we can see where this is going... they fought. and fought HARD. the last night my dad spent in the same house as my mother, the cops came and dragged him out because the two of them had run out of pots and pans to throw at each other, and were about to start on the knives. this was approximately when i was seven, and my sister was two. let me tell you, there is nothing more sobering as a child than watching policemen "help" your father pack his clothes, and "escort" him out of the house, all the while telling you that "everything is going to be alright." let me tell you, that particular moron of an officer couldnt have been more wrong. in fact, i knew it myself, right then and there, that nothing was going to be "alright" about my family ever again, and as such, realized that the cop was lying to me because i was a little kid and he just wanted to keep me calm. i damned near punched him in the nose! course, i was smart enough to know that wouldnt help anything, so i didnt do it... but i wanted to really badly, and still kinda do even now. its sad to think that one event can cause a child to lose all faith in adults... but that one action, by that one man in a blue uniform, did it for me. yes, we have officer so-and-so to blame for my complete distrust of all things authoritative. fortunately, that distrust has served me well over the years.

so then the fun part started... divorce proceedings.

you know, its really a horrible thing when people decide to fight over their children, with no apparent care for the child's best interests. but thats exactly what happened. they each wanted us, they each were convinced that they were the best parent, they each were so intent on winning us that they lost sight of the fact that we were living, breathing, feeling human beings, and began (i believe) to see us as objects, material things, to be taken away from the other person as punishment for all the hurt they had caused one another. and while i dont think that my sis was old enough to really notice at that point, i think it became apparent to her later on, as custody remained an issue until both of us finally passed into adulthood. dad was constantly dragging mom to court, and vice versa, because of some issue about who got to see which child more, or child support wasnt enough, or child support was too much, or whatever other thing one of them wanted to deny their children in order to get back at each other.

now, the both of them are remarried. my dad to "the ice queen" (as i like to refer to her), and my mom to "the absent minded high school teacher" (who happens to suffer from severe ADD -- imagine... a control freak married to someone with ADD... oh my god... its horrific. the house is plastered with well manicured signs and notices like "turn off the stove" and "lock the door" and a myriad of other things with the same degree of simplicity).

my dad and "the ice queen" have a son, my half brother ("the spoiled brat"), that neither of them can control because "the ice queen" has no idea how to be an effective parent, and my dad (as was the case with me and my sister as well) isnt around enough to actually make much of an impact. my mom and "the absent minded high school teacher" didnt have any children of their own (thank god!), but mom's new husband has inflicted upon her the son he had from his previous marriage (another spoiled brat, but this time in his teens, so "obnoxious idiot" seems a better title) who ALSO has ADD... thus adding to my mother's constant state of insanity. needless to say, i avoid interacting with my step-father and step-brother at all costs.

yes, i know, i have ADD as well, i should be compassionate... but REALLY. i dont forget to turn off the stove, and i dont forget to take showers, and i dont forget to lock my door. thats just ridiculous, and i dont see how anyone could possibly survive life if they cant remember to do basic things like that. it borders on stupidity, and i honestly think that they are using the medical condition as an excuse as to why they dont need to better themselves, or treat my mother with a shred of respect, and it PISSES ME OFF.

as for my interactions with "the ice queen" and "spoiled brat"... i lived with them in high school (my mother and i did NOT get along at all at that point -- control freaks usually don’t – and the result was typically huge fights of the knock-down-drag-the-twelve-year-old-out-of-the-house-and-lock-the-door kind), and it was made quite clear to me that i was to be perpetually viewed as a second class citizen. i was good for babysitting, or making dinner every now and again, and i was even allowed to have friends over as long as they didnt bother anyone or break anything. but was i actually treated like part of the family? no. it was "the ice queen's" house, and i had no rights. so once i moved out, i didnt go back for quite a long time, not even for holidays, or to visit. who can blame me? ever been treated like a stranger in your own home, by your own family? its insulting, and extremely hurtful, and serves no purpose except that you end up feeling alienated, and subsequently dont feel bad when you dont talk to those people for months on end.

i also think that "the ice queen" was intimidated because at 15/16 i had better parenting skills than she did. heck, i still do. and it drives her INSANE. my sis will back me up on this too. both my sis and i have more, and better, parenting skills than "the ice queen", and this intimidates her to the point that she whines to our father about us being "overbearing" and that theres "sibling rivalry" going on, and that we "bully" our half brother.

i'm sorry, but telling someone to please stop poking you because it hurts is NOT any of those things. it is merely a) looking out for yourself, and b) teaching the brat some fukkin manners!

i should probably point out that my half brother is 15 years younger than myself. that puts me in a rather interesting position. i'm way too much older for him to have any sort of real sibling type relationship. but i'm way too young for him to see me as someone whom he should look up to, or treat with respect. he and i do okay when its just us hanging out, cuz i'm actually pretty laid back about stuff as long as he doesnt try to pull shit with me (he knows i wont let him get away with it, so he typically doesn’t try to pull shit). but when his mom is around, things go to hell in a hand basket cuz he knows he can get away with murder. so yeah, i tend to avoid them, and "the ice queen" tends to avoid me (shes finally learning that i'm not going to like her ever, and has stopped whining to my dad that i dont have deep introspective conversations with her like she thinks i'm supposed to... like we're supposed to be friends of some stupid shit like that. lemme tell ya, that aint never gonna happen, EVER).

my dad isn’t learning quite as quickly that “the ice queen” and my sister and i will never have any sort of friendship thing going on. we treat her civilly, and that’s the best that anyone can really expect. but he finally is learning that we really really really don’t like her. this is a good thing because hes no longer torturing us by having her come along on outings with us, or forcing us to spend time with her. this weekend for example. he’s taking me, “spoiled brat”, and my son up to see my sister at college. and “the ice queen” will not be in attendance. thank god. i for one do not need that kind of stress. but for us to find out if she was coming or not, my sister had to send an email (all our communication with our dad is pretty much email) to him saying that she’d really prefer if “the ice queen” didn’t come along this time. i gotta give my sis props cuz i didn’t have the guts to say anything about it this time. maybe next time i’ll be the one to speak up and ask that she not come along, maybe not. but at least he’s finally getting the hint that we’re happy to spend time with him, as long as “the ice queen” isn’t involved.

so yeah, now that i’ve written a novel… its time for me to get outta this damned office. i’m skipping class tonite… i’m just not up to going. besides, its not like i’m missing much. everything is in the friggin book.