well i was late to work AGAIN today... it seems no matter what i do, its impossible for me to get here on time. if i get up on time, the bus is late, or the train has mechanical problems. of course, getting up on time is the hardest thing for me to do. i'm sleep deprived, and i know it. most nights i dont manage to get to sleep until after 2 or 3 in the morning. that is something i have to work on, i know. but with these night classes, i dont get home til 11 some nights, and its HARD to shut my mind down! not to mention i've never really been good at the whole sleep thing in the first place. insomniac, thats me. i guess that maybe it just feels like a waste of time, that and i have a tendency towards nightmares... i just dont WANT to sleep. of course, i realize that this is a bad thing, that i NEED to sleep, and i need more than just 3 or 4 hours a night, but a lot of the time it just doesnt seem to matter. my body is so used to my fukt up sleep schedule, that i cant seem to break the cycle. and i've tried just about everything to break the cycle. i've tried staying up all night to try and force myself to be tired enough to sleep when i got home the next day. i've tried drinking to make myself sleepy. i've tried sleeping pills, and mixing sleeping pills with antihistamines. i've tried turning off anything that makes noise and forcing myself to lie still (which REALLY doesnt work). i've tried leaving the tv on, or the radio. i've tried to sleep in my bed. i've tried to sleep on my couch. i've tried sleep on the floor for crying out loud! and you know what? NOTHING WORKS.
so once i finally fall asleep, its a bitch and a half for me to wake up again... which means i hit the snooze button on my alarm clock a half million times, or even just flat out reset the thing. i've even called in sick to work just because i couldnt wake up, and i knew there was no way i was going to make it to the office before noon.
so what does my boss do? she emails me, asking me to make my hours EARLIER. LMAO. that so fixes the problem doesnt it. i cant get here by 9 most days, what makes her think that i'm going to be able to get here by 8? hahahaha. oh fukkin well. i'm just gonna have to figure out a way to make myself get up in the morning, no matter how tired i am. it would really help if i had someone around to kick me outta bed or something, someone to drag me into the shower and MAKE me wake up... but i dont have that... *sigh* maybe i need like, 3 or 4 alarm clocks scattered randomly throughout my apartment and have them go off at 1 minute intervals...
hmmm this is an interesting idea... one by my bed, one in the living room, one in the kitchen, one in the bathroom... that way, i have to get up and walk around, and actually wake up... and by the time i've turned off the last one, i'm right there by the shower anyway...so why not get into it if i'm already right there? ah! i think i've figured it out! now all i need to do is go get 3 more alarm clocks. LOL. yeah like thats gonna happen.
anyway... i should really stop typing cuz i did something to my wrist and now it doesnt wanna work right (dont ask, cuz i have no idea what i did), and it hurts to do stuff like type and write, and turn door knobs. (i'm guessing this is what happens when one handwrites 6 or 7 pages worth of essay in less than 3 hrs... but i'm not sure so dont quote me)
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